A troubling 2 weeks

The past couple of weeks have been upsetting in more ways than one.

First, I had a discussion in the Mess Hall with MU Tom Paris. He said that men are better at some jobs than others. A vice versa. You know - women are better with child rearing, that kind of thing. Grrrrr. The discussion got heated, but not out of hand.

The problem is that it was overheard, and that Seven of Nine took punitive action against MU Tom for voicing his opinion to me in a private conversation. She assigned him to double and overlapping shifts. It was completely out of line, and there has been an investigation.

I went with MU Tom to the interview that conducted by Tuvok, since I was a witness. I am confident that MU Tom will be vindicated.

I have requested that Seven of Nine be reprimanded for this and that - from now on - if any major changes are made to MU Tom's shifts the changes must be approved by Tuvok. I do not know if either of these requests will be carried out. More than likely, Seven will simply get a lecture. *shrugs*

I seem to be fighting with more and more friends. I have now had a falling out with John (Ensign Braddock), Seven and Kala. When I was talking to Adam (Ensign Coombs), he made realize that I can't keep fighting with my friends. It is a really small ship.

John and Seven were about MU Tom. John said some horrible things. I know what he was trying to say - the way it came out was just really bad. I went to his quarters and we talked for a bit. While his words still sting, we are still friends. We will get past this.

Adam said that the reason why John is so upset is that he is in love with me. *sigh* I know this. John and I have talked about it from time to time. I love John dearly, but just as a friend. While it is true we had agreed to start "dating" on the rescue mission to the Mirror Universe to retrieve MU Tom and MU Chakotay, it really didn't happen. MU Tom and I started dating instead.

Adam said he would talk to John and see if he could help.

Jean Pierce has been in and out of SickBay - unexplained periods of sleep - 12, 14, 19 hours. We can't find the cause. Although a visit from Chakotay cheered her up. *grins*

That is all for now. Enough drama for now. *laughs*

Shara out.

No longer with Harry

It is with a very heavy heart I write this.

I am no longer with Harry. Although I still love him dearly, I know I rushed things with him and I need to be on my own for a while. Perhaps we will be together again. I honestly do not know. All I know is that I need some time to myself.

When I first came to Voyager, I was deeply traumatized from the loss of my ship and also from the loss of my friends and my mate. Harry and Neelix helped me through that very traumatic time. Neelix has remained a very dear friend. I hope that, in time, Harry will also be my friend once again. Right now, he is very angry with me and hurt. I do not blame him at all. I should have been stronger when we were apart before. I was so upset because I knew how badly he was hurting - I just wanted to make him happier.

That does not mean that I do not love Harry. I do. But, at this point, I am really not sure what type of love I have for him. I just know that I want him to be happy, but I also want to do what is right for both of us.

And then there is John. John has become a very good friend. I enjoy being around him. He makes me laugh. I feel very... comfortable with him. *laughs* And I like the fact that he is comfortable with me. He enjoys joking and teasing, which is a lot of fun.

I want to take this time to develop some friendships with more people on the ship. I feel like for the longest time if I did not do something with Harry, then I simply stayed in my quarters or just did not associate with anyone.

I had dinner with a group of people last night: I had dinner with John, Samantha, Jean, and Ayala. It was fun being part of such a large group.

I would like to find some way I can make friends with more of the ladies on the ship. I had suggested to Jean at some type of dancing lessons might appeal to the ladies on the ship. I will work on it.

For now, I am simply gonna take my time and make sure that I have my emotions in check before I make any decisions.

Shara out.

I am so excited!

I am so happy! I can hardly contain myself!

First, let me give a little background.

When I first came aboard Voyager, it took some time to get my pheromones under control. I had been put into the quarters next to Chakotay, but he and Harry are very susceptible to my pheromones. For their safety (and mine) I was moved (very hastily, I might add) to another part of the ship. (Close to the Mess Hall, near Neelix.)

Now Jean has my old quarters. *smiles* So she can be close to Chakotay.

I mentioned to Harry that it might be nice to have my quarters next to him. I said it half-joking. Harry is a bit shy. *giggles* But, to my surprise (and delight!), he seems to be quite taken with the idea! He said I needed to ask Chakotay and see if I can move to a quarters next to his! *dances a little*

He even joked that we should take the wall out between the rooms. *giggles* I misunderstood what he meant - I thought he meant he wanted to be my mate! (Again, surprised and delighted me!) But I think he was just joking. I'm not sure. He said we could talk about it if I was agreeable to the idea.

I am agreeable to it. *giggles* But I think that having our quarters next to each other would be a good step for us. Then we can see when/if we want to go further. *thoughtful smile*

I hope my request to switch rooms is approved. *giggles*

Shara out.

Jean Is on Board

I am happy to say that Jean is finally on board.

I am happy about this for several reasons.

Of course I am happy for Jean and Chakotay. Chakotay has been grinning like crazy about it all week - and now she is here. *bursts into laughter* In my old quarters, no less - right next to Chakotay's. *laughs* That should make things convenient. *giggles*

*sighs* I wish my quarters were next to Harry's, but I don't think it would make much of a difference. Harry is rather....shy with me. *sad sigh* Maybe that will change in time. I hope so.

Anyway, now that Jean is on board, I will have another female friend. Maybe she can help me become better friends with the other females on Voyager. Maybe I am doing something wrong, and she can help me correct it.

Finally - dancing lessons! Jean has asked me to teach her how to dance - Orion style! I am so excited! I have even replicated a new Orion Slave Girl - style outfit for me - and for her! *giggles* It's a surprise.

Well, time to go for now.

Shara out.

Harry - Part 2

It's very amazing how things change so quickly.

After talking with Jean Pierce (our soon-to-be counselor), I realized that I need to give my relationship with Harry a chance and see what develops without complicating it any further with dating Ayala. It's not fair to him or Ayala to do that. Ayala understood completely and was very good about it when I told him.

I am very happy with this decision. I enjoy being with Harry and I do love him. (Perhaps I was just scared with how quickly things progressed.) I can tell that he is trying very hard to control his jealousy, and he really does have a wonderful spirit and a gentle heart.

Best of all, Harry has met Mashteh (my pet draco-mouse) and my puppy Akelaa - and they hit it off so well! I am relieved.

Tonight we will have a game or two of Kal-toh and Then not sure what else. *blushes and giggles*

I am settling into my routine on Voyager and finding my place. I am more comfortable in both SickBay and cooking in the Mess Hall. I enjoy playing hostess, too! *giggles* It helps me get to know the other crew members.

I have been getting to know Samantha Wildman more. She seems to be a very sweet lady. Most of the ladies on board don't really have anything to do with me (except for B'Elanna), but I had coffee and cake in the Mess Hall with Samantha yesterday.

I still haven't met everyone on board, but I am getting to know everyone little by little. And the pain I feel from the past eases more and more each day.

Shara out.