No longer with Harry

It is with a very heavy heart I write this.

I am no longer with Harry. Although I still love him dearly, I know I rushed things with him and I need to be on my own for a while. Perhaps we will be together again. I honestly do not know. All I know is that I need some time to myself.

When I first came to Voyager, I was deeply traumatized from the loss of my ship and also from the loss of my friends and my mate. Harry and Neelix helped me through that very traumatic time. Neelix has remained a very dear friend. I hope that, in time, Harry will also be my friend once again. Right now, he is very angry with me and hurt. I do not blame him at all. I should have been stronger when we were apart before. I was so upset because I knew how badly he was hurting - I just wanted to make him happier.

That does not mean that I do not love Harry. I do. But, at this point, I am really not sure what type of love I have for him. I just know that I want him to be happy, but I also want to do what is right for both of us.

And then there is John. John has become a very good friend. I enjoy being around him. He makes me laugh. I feel very... comfortable with him. *laughs* And I like the fact that he is comfortable with me. He enjoys joking and teasing, which is a lot of fun.

I want to take this time to develop some friendships with more people on the ship. I feel like for the longest time if I did not do something with Harry, then I simply stayed in my quarters or just did not associate with anyone.

I had dinner with a group of people last night: I had dinner with John, Samantha, Jean, and Ayala. It was fun being part of such a large group.

I would like to find some way I can make friends with more of the ladies on the ship. I had suggested to Jean at some type of dancing lessons might appeal to the ladies on the ship. I will work on it.

For now, I am simply gonna take my time and make sure that I have my emotions in check before I make any decisions.

Shara out.

A Calm Day

Today was a day off for both Harry and me.

We had a wonderful day. No date, really, but we just spent the day together - having lunch, walking the corridors, talking with some other crew members. Then we had dinner in the Mess Hall. I loved it.

I got a nice kiss goodnight, too. *blush*

*long pause*

I am also getting to know more people on the ship. I seem to get along well with the male crew members, but very few female crew members associate with me. They are not unkind - they simply don't seem to want to get to know me.

If my pheromones were normal, I would attribute that to their effect on females - headaches, mostly. But my pheromones should not be a factor. The Doctor assures me they are under control. *frowns*

Still, B'Elanna , Cornelia and Samantha are my friends. And Seven, I suppose. So that will be fine. *weak smile*

I guess I should go so I can get some rest. I have a busy day tomorrow.

Shara out.

Update:

What a surprise! I got a call from Harry and he asked me to come down to the Mess Hall for a late night sundae. Yay!

Harry - Part 2

It's very amazing how things change so quickly.

After talking with Jean Pierce (our soon-to-be counselor), I realized that I need to give my relationship with Harry a chance and see what develops without complicating it any further with dating Ayala. It's not fair to him or Ayala to do that. Ayala understood completely and was very good about it when I told him.

I am very happy with this decision. I enjoy being with Harry and I do love him. (Perhaps I was just scared with how quickly things progressed.) I can tell that he is trying very hard to control his jealousy, and he really does have a wonderful spirit and a gentle heart.

Best of all, Harry has met Mashteh (my pet draco-mouse) and my puppy Akelaa - and they hit it off so well! I am relieved.

Tonight we will have a game or two of Kal-toh and Then not sure what else. *blushes and giggles*

I am settling into my routine on Voyager and finding my place. I am more comfortable in both SickBay and cooking in the Mess Hall. I enjoy playing hostess, too! *giggles* It helps me get to know the other crew members.

I have been getting to know Samantha Wildman more. She seems to be a very sweet lady. Most of the ladies on board don't really have anything to do with me (except for B'Elanna), but I had coffee and cake in the Mess Hall with Samantha yesterday.

I still haven't met everyone on board, but I am getting to know everyone little by little. And the pain I feel from the past eases more and more each day.

Shara out.