Recovering

I had another examination from The Doctor yesterday.

I was attacked a few days ago by Harry's Mirror Universe counterpart. I was in a coma for days, and I have still not fully recovered.

I have been told by several people that Harry never left my side the entire time that I was in SickBay. They said that he stayed there the entire time: talking to me, holding my hand, and watching over me - making sure that I was safe. He was the first person that I saw when I woke up, although I was terrified when I saw him. I did not realize that it was his counterpart that had attacked me - I thought that for some terrible reason he had attacked me. I hid behind The Doctor - I could tell that Harry was crushed. Here he had been by my side constantly since I was unconscious, and now I was terrified of him.

The Doctor assured me that it was not Harry that had attacked me, but it was his counterpart. While that was somewhat convincing, the look that I saw in Harry's eyes was all the proof that I needed. I knew that he could never hurt me. I could tell that he had not slept, that he was so worried for me. I could see in his eyes how much he loves me.

The Doctor allowed him to take me back to my quarters. He stayed with me that night, making sure that I was okay. He is so worried about me.

Last night, when he was checking on me to make sure that I was okay, I asked him to stay with me again. He said he would, as long as it was okay with me. I told him that I wished he would stay with me every night.

He smiled and said that he would.

I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I was to hear him say that. I didn't even breathe for a few moments.

As happy as that makes me, I am concerned about what the Doctor has said about my recovery. He does believe that I will make a full recovery, but he also believes that it will take quite some time. Until he is convinced that I am operating at 100%, I will not be allowed back on duty.

I have not told Harry yet. I want to wait and see what this next examination holds before I tell Harry. I know that he is going to worry.

Shara out.

My uniform

If you wondered what my uniform looks like - here it is!

This beautiful artwork was done especially for me.

Love it? Want your own artwork?

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I am so excited!

I am so happy! I can hardly contain myself!

First, let me give a little background.

When I first came aboard Voyager, it took some time to get my pheromones under control. I had been put into the quarters next to Chakotay, but he and Harry are very susceptible to my pheromones. For their safety (and mine) I was moved (very hastily, I might add) to another part of the ship. (Close to the Mess Hall, near Neelix.)

Now Jean has my old quarters. *smiles* So she can be close to Chakotay.

I mentioned to Harry that it might be nice to have my quarters next to him. I said it half-joking. Harry is a bit shy. *giggles* But, to my surprise (and delight!), he seems to be quite taken with the idea! He said I needed to ask Chakotay and see if I can move to a quarters next to his! *dances a little*

He even joked that we should take the wall out between the rooms. *giggles* I misunderstood what he meant - I thought he meant he wanted to be my mate! (Again, surprised and delighted me!) But I think he was just joking. I'm not sure. He said we could talk about it if I was agreeable to the idea.

I am agreeable to it. *giggles* But I think that having our quarters next to each other would be a good step for us. Then we can see when/if we want to go further. *thoughtful smile*

I hope my request to switch rooms is approved. *giggles*

Shara out.

Jean Is on Board

I am happy to say that Jean is finally on board.

I am happy about this for several reasons.

Of course I am happy for Jean and Chakotay. Chakotay has been grinning like crazy about it all week - and now she is here. *bursts into laughter* In my old quarters, no less - right next to Chakotay's. *laughs* That should make things convenient. *giggles*

*sighs* I wish my quarters were next to Harry's, but I don't think it would make much of a difference. Harry is rather....shy with me. *sad sigh* Maybe that will change in time. I hope so.

Anyway, now that Jean is on board, I will have another female friend. Maybe she can help me become better friends with the other females on Voyager. Maybe I am doing something wrong, and she can help me correct it.

Finally - dancing lessons! Jean has asked me to teach her how to dance - Orion style! I am so excited! I have even replicated a new Orion Slave Girl - style outfit for me - and for her! *giggles* It's a surprise.

Well, time to go for now.

Shara out.

A Calm Day

Today was a day off for both Harry and me.

We had a wonderful day. No date, really, but we just spent the day together - having lunch, walking the corridors, talking with some other crew members. Then we had dinner in the Mess Hall. I loved it.

I got a nice kiss goodnight, too. *blush*

*long pause*

I am also getting to know more people on the ship. I seem to get along well with the male crew members, but very few female crew members associate with me. They are not unkind - they simply don't seem to want to get to know me.

If my pheromones were normal, I would attribute that to their effect on females - headaches, mostly. But my pheromones should not be a factor. The Doctor assures me they are under control. *frowns*

Still, B'Elanna , Cornelia and Samantha are my friends. And Seven, I suppose. So that will be fine. *weak smile*

I guess I should go so I can get some rest. I have a busy day tomorrow.

Shara out.

Update:

What a surprise! I got a call from Harry and he asked me to come down to the Mess Hall for a late night sundae. Yay!

Harry - Part 2

It's very amazing how things change so quickly.

After talking with Jean Pierce (our soon-to-be counselor), I realized that I need to give my relationship with Harry a chance and see what develops without complicating it any further with dating Ayala. It's not fair to him or Ayala to do that. Ayala understood completely and was very good about it when I told him.

I am very happy with this decision. I enjoy being with Harry and I do love him. (Perhaps I was just scared with how quickly things progressed.) I can tell that he is trying very hard to control his jealousy, and he really does have a wonderful spirit and a gentle heart.

Best of all, Harry has met Mashteh (my pet draco-mouse) and my puppy Akelaa - and they hit it off so well! I am relieved.

Tonight we will have a game or two of Kal-toh and Then not sure what else. *blushes and giggles*

I am settling into my routine on Voyager and finding my place. I am more comfortable in both SickBay and cooking in the Mess Hall. I enjoy playing hostess, too! *giggles* It helps me get to know the other crew members.

I have been getting to know Samantha Wildman more. She seems to be a very sweet lady. Most of the ladies on board don't really have anything to do with me (except for B'Elanna), but I had coffee and cake in the Mess Hall with Samantha yesterday.

I still haven't met everyone on board, but I am getting to know everyone little by little. And the pain I feel from the past eases more and more each day.

Shara out.

My personal life. *sigh*

Why do things have to be so complicated?

Being able to have some time apart from Harry has helped me a lot. It has given me some time to grieve for Mirek and the others.

And I am also able to develop some more friendships, especially with Ayala. I have been spending more time with him lately, and he is a very remarkable man. *smile* I enjoy listening to the stories he tells about his sons. He listens to my stories of Mirek. *laughs* I guess we just enjoy sharing stories.

I enjoy spending time with Harry, and we are friends. We played poker last night with Neelix and Cornelia in the Mess Hall. I really enjoyed that. It was a lot of fun. *smiles* Even though I lost. Horribly. *giggles*

*long pause* Harry is very jealous. He doesn't want me to see anyone else - no one who is male, anyway - but I refuse to hide in my quarters and to not talk to the male members of the crew. I don't want to hurt Harry, but I want to make more friends.

Neelix shared a story about Kes that was so....insightful. He said he used to be so jealous. (Not that I can believe that - he seems like the least jealous man alive, but anyway.) As if he were a child who was so afraid someone was going to play with his favorite toy. He was so angry if he even thought someone was interested in her.

*pauses to think*

I think that is a good description of jealousy.

*another pause*

Harry has been very, very sweet lately, but I still want to wait to decide whether or not we will begin to date again. I am just not sure.

I guess I should go for now.

Shara out.

A new visitor...and Neelix

As always, it was a very busy day on Voyager yesterday. *laughs*

Due to a transporter malfunction, we have a new Borg drone on board. While I found him intimidating, at first, he is not nearly as scary as I thought he was. He is...charming, in a way. *smiles*

Seven of Nine was concerned that my pheromones might be a problem, but that does not seem to be the case. I am relieved.

And...it felt so nice to have Neelix near me when we were in the cargo bay. *smiles* He is such a comfort to me. He is...very special. *long pause*

Neelix is always thinking of everyone else. He is a companion, Godfather and playmate for Naomi. He is the morale officer for everyone on board. *chuckles* *pause* And he is very special to me.

I guess I need to go for now and get to the Mess Hall and help Neelix get things ready for the next meal service.

Shara out.

Harry

Yesterday was a very difficult day.

Where do I begin? When I came to Voyager, it was a very traumatic time. I had lost my ship; I was injured; I had lost my friends and Mirek, and I was now 200 years in the future.

Two people were so incredibly helpful to me those first few days: Neelix and Harry.

Neelix is/was immune to my pheromones, so he stayed with me all night in Sickbay that first, awful night. Tuvok and Vorik (also immune) stayed, as well, but Neelix was the one to comfort me, talk to me. Tuvok and Vorik guarded me physically while the Doctor worked to find a way to control the effect of my pheromones on the crew, but Neelix....well, Neelix was worried about my heart. *smiles* He talked to me, comforted me, and never left my side.

Neelix also...went with me to...see Mirek and the others after they had...passed on. He held my hand, hugged me and let me cry while I said my final goodbyes.

Then there's Harry. *smiles* Harry has been wonderful to me. He is so kind, gentle and thoughtful. I love him, very much.

*deep breath* But....I need some time. I need to take some time and deal with my losses. I need to find a way to handle my emotions - including my anger. I need to grieve.

But...not only that. I need to find my place on Voyager. To see where I truly fit in.

So I have asked Harry if we can just be friends for now.

I hope that Harry and I can date again...later. Time will tell.

Shara out.